I am writing for the #ShareTheLoad activity at BlogAdda.com in association with Ariel.
..Raah ka Khaar hi kya gul bhi kuchalna hai tujhe,
jis meN jalta huN usi aag meN jalna hai tujhe,
Uth
merii jaan mere saath hii chalnaa hai tujhe
(Not merely the thorns on the path, you have to trample on flowers too,
You too have to be ignited by the fire that burns me
Get up, my love, you have to walk with me)
You too have to be ignited by the fire that burns me
Get up, my love, you have to walk with me)
Kaifi
Azmi wrote those lines at a time when sharing the load didn't mean anything
concrete to most couples. Maybe he wrote them because he was visionary enough
to see the problems that would come in future; maybe he knew the implications
his lines would hold today.
As I
begin to write this post, I am having a nervous laugh on the superficiality of
it. Somehow, I being a bachelor am going to write about ways in which a couple
can strike that perfect balance in its life by shouldering each other in their responsibilities.
Something tells me I should write about
ways in which a husband should help his wife with the daily chores, how he can
take that burden off her by being just a little thoughtful, by helping her with
the laundry, by waking up at night to tend the child, by answering the door
half the time, by serving his own meals, by doing those little things that make
big difference.
But I
feel most men know all these things. Just that, some are not ready to do them.
These are those who haven’t been able to come out of those shackles that
dictate the ‘fields of work’ for men and women. What about those of us who know
better? I see those people around me and I see them doing all things that I
mentioned above without any hue or cry. There are aspects in which my
generation seems to have matured better than the previous ones. In cities where
such problems mostly crop-up, couples are seen to understand their mutual
duties towards each other. Only that they need to work upon them with a little
more finesse.
I haven’t
really given a whole lot of deep thought to how I would approach my married
life. But one thing that I can say is that nothing would come out of wives
writing complains over blogs and husbands mocking their wives in bars. There has
to be that good, honest conversation between the duo. After all, the load isn't just the chores. The husband needs to make
her understand his deepest troubles and ask her to help him out of them. The
wife needs to make him understand the little things she wants from him instead
of expecting him to figure them out himself. When they got married, it was a
communion of TWO souls. The life after that can’t just be made peaceful by
making a ‘To Do’ list for the husbands.
It might
be possible that couples have already tried all this and to no avail. Maybe I
am being too naïve by writing Moral Science paragraphs instead of practical
solutions. But I believe that in this particular dimension of our evolution,
we have grown to be more sentimental beings as opposed to practical ones. A
morning rose makes us forget for some time that dreadful meeting we had in the
office the day before. A bed tea makes us forget for some time about the maid who has asked for a raise for the third time in the year. And a rom-com makes
us forget that it is Monday the next day. A married life is no longer just give
and take but about letting in and letting go.
0 comments